Only Love Heals

A very dear person asked me the other day: "All those books and talking therapies positive thinking, etc.., Are not auto?" "Naturally," he said. And he asked me to write something about it. So here goes. As we saw in "Psychotherapy 'autistic'," we live in an individualistic and disconnected world where, because of this, many "therapies" are based tacitly reinforce the same in people: isolation, loneliness, the "search made you of life. " This is sought in several ways, including cognitivism so widespread that currently, p. for example., morals, politics, sports, therapy, self-help books, new age, oriental etc. Said cognitivism says that is the mind, not the heart that determines our behavior (1), and, as compared to people with computer programs, it is ultimately a kind of suggestion and a way of denying the people their own essence. That is, ignoring nothing less than the psycho nature of human beings: their emotions and feelings, their shortcomings and conflicts, his unconscious, his biography, his peculiarities, their creativity, their ability to love and ethics, authenticity, freedom, self- . The ultimate message seems to be: "We are not looking at you or look you just pretend you're not."

To better understand the issue, look at the poor cat in the picture. Because, no doubt, was desquerido or abused, starved and / or neglect for years, and so on., Now it feels / thinks weak, insecure and worthless. That's why I like to feel better, be more "important", and it looks in the mirror expecting to see ... what in fact is: a lion! Because he wants to see a lion. In fact, their cognitive guru insists that you should practice every day thinking, thinking, thinking a lion ... with the hope that it will be sided. But no. The truth is that it does not rain upwards, but downwards, and the real can not invent, and the ideas are not the cause but the effect of feelings. So our hero is still a cat. A shy, sad, anxious, vulnerable, lonely cat. And then the question arises: why should convince him otherwise? Why should we confuse, deceive, suggestions with lies and hallucinations? Since that will never be a real lion, nor need be, would not it be much more loving, realistic, practical, healthy and liberating as knowing help is expressly accepted, even proud of their status as timid cat, sad, anxious, and so on., while well-lo-eat well and treat it with love?

Undoubtedly, this recognition would be the beginning of a true self-esteem (2) and, therefore, the beginning of a healthy maturation with a consequent reduction of most of their symptoms. Naturally, the thoughts have a role in our lives. But personal growth can not be simulated or obtained thoughts based on very "positive" to be. We can not deceive our unconscious! If I feel / think contemptible, soon will I lie to myself constantly repeating that "I am wonderful, I'm great, I'm great!" The most probably end up completely confused, disoriented and repressed more than ever about my true feelings. And this bill will pass me sooner or later. Self-esteem, maturity, mental and physical health is not achieved with supposedly quick and easy tricks, much less based on the "help yourself". Welfare grows wild psycho-like grass-only in very specific conditions. And such conditions include no less than the long, slow internalization of appreciation and affection of the people we want. (3) For, as recent Olga said genially, "the only thing that heals is the gaze of others."



1. For Psychodynamic, however, the thought is a form of expression of emotions, just like dreams, neurotic symptoms, social and artistic creations, etc.. The emotions, born of the nervous system are incalculably more ancient, deep and powerful in the history of the subject-and the human species than any cognitive influence later. In fact, as any child knows, ideas can not influence us by themselves, but only affects (love, rejection, rewards, punishments) associated with them, and supported, or not, our underlying feelings. Thought, therefore, only affects the behavior of very high, and only within very narrow and shallow. It must be assumed, therefore, that the current overvaluation of the cognitive reveals our fears and / or driver cares about all life, the emotional, the most intimate of people within the general framework of our magical view of things, according to the which "act" on the world (and especially about ourselves) through thoughts, behaviors, rituals, etc.., modify it.

2. Remember that self-esteem is not simply to know how to evaluate our side "positive" but to accept without shame or guilt on our side "negative." Self-esteem involves our total acceptance.

3. P. for example., certain family members, colleagues, friends, couples, therapists, etc.., including of course ourselves. Without a loving context, however small, the Neurotic improvement is not possible. This applies to all human relationships. For example, any form of therapy, including cognitive-behavioral, will be the more effective the better the psycho link (love) patient-therapist. The performance of a football team does not depend as much on their "high moral" as the quality of interpersonal ties between players and the coach. And so on.